At some point in your life you begin to accept certain facts. Like maybe your not good at math and you'll never be on the volley ball team. Or it could even be the fact that Missy is a whore and will always get the cute one. (well that escalated quickly) But sometimes life has a funny way of making you realize deeper truths. Like how you will never be accepted. No matter what you do or how hard you try you will never "belong" anywhere. Just accept that. Someone, somewhere, at some point will not agree/like/tolerate you. That is a fact. At first it may seem like a depressing notion. But once it sets in It can truly be freeing.
But once it sets in It can truly be freeing.
The point in my life where I realized that I will never "belong" is a couple of weeks ago. Unless you have lived under a rock for the last few weeks, you have probably ready about, seen, or heard about the video blog that shook the virtual world to the core. Except me. Any maybe 5 other people. Wasn't the reaction you were expecting huh?
When a "bigger" friend of mine showed me this video I guess she assumed I would have the same reaction as her. Which was that she hated the video. She automatically associated this woman with every girl who ever teased her about her weight ever. As I calmly watched the video she kept glancing at me gauging my reaction. I like to claim that I was very neutral on my opinion about this video but the more I think about it the more I find myself agreeing with her on certain things. I kept this opinion to myself mostly. I didn't want to upset her.
Later that night I asked my husband his honest opinion on the video. I did not tell him about my opinion or hinted at it what so ever. If anything I may have came across anti-nicole. But he seemed to share the similar opinion that I had. We both agreed that she was pretty harsh. But I hate to tell you guys life is harsh. She had some harsh honest truths.
She had some harsh honest truths.
I then tried to vent to another "bigger" friend of mine. (PS: I don't really have ANY skinny friends) The reason I say vent is because I feel that people are making this out to be way to big of a deal. The video was meant to be satirical. And yet they fought so hard to get her youtube channel down. If you were to take that drive and apply that to something more important and worthwhile we wouldn't have nearly the issues that we do in this country. However, I digress.
As I tried to talk to my other friend about it she also got upset. I felt shunned from both of them. I feel like THEY thought the ONLY reason that I feel that way is because I am not as big as them. This is not the first time this has happened to me. How is it that because I am not as big as you I am not entitled on having an opinion on obesity. I have been teased about my weight. My nickname when I was younger was "Big Red" because of being over weight and my red cheeks. I have also been hurt. But because I am not as "big" I am not entitled to an opinion on this. Like I should be happy I'm not bigger and be thankful. I am and I am thankful but I am also not healthy.
I complain about my weight still. To by bigger friends. And one of them is always very withdrawn. To clarify, yes I am insecure and I wish I were smaller. No, I do not feel like I am that over weight. (even though medically I am) But I HAVE to loose weight. Like Nicole pointed out in her video Obesity leads to High blood pressure (check), Knee problems (check), Diabetes (borderline). I need to do this for my weight. I am not crippled. If I can't exercise cause of my knee then I can diet until then. The more weight I get off the better my knee will feel. It's plain and simple if you want something bad enough you can get it. End of story. Maybe not in a day. But Rome was not built in one either.
What I am trying to get at is Live for you and you ALONE.
What I am trying to get at is Live for you and you ALONE. Ultimately you have to be happy with yourself. Because either way you will never be accepted. I am not accepted by the skinny crowed because i'm over weight. I am not accepted by the "body positive" crowed because I am too small. The only way to categorize me is in a crowed I like to call the BiggieSmalls.
photo source: google images
photo source: google images
- 4:01 PM
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