Home life Hiccups

Tips for debt consolidation

So, you're thinking of consolidating your debt?

Good idea. And a smart one.

Many people don't realize the amount of money they could save just by consolidating some of their debt.

My husband and I are wanting to start a family soon so we jumped on the bandwagon. This happened to be a smarter idea than I could have possibly comprehended at the time. Not only will this simple re-purposing of funds help us financially for our future family.. this has also helped us tremendously with my recent layoff.

Consolidation options:

1. Retirement.

- This is one of the things that I decided to do. A lot of times people don't realize that this is an option. You're not necessarily taking out money from your retirement. This is a loan against your retirement. I had a nice little cushion of $5,000.00 in my retirement. The way my plan worked was that I was only able to take out half. It was enough to pay off my credit cards. My credit card was at a 24% interest rate. My loan consolidation was 4%. BIG DIFFERENCE. Putting them together made my note lower as well. Saved about 60$ a month just on my cards.

2. Loans.

- A lot of banks offer debt consolidation loans at reasonable interest rates. After paying off my credit cards we moved onto my husbands. He didn't have a retirement like I did but his debt was definitely high. We went to our local bank and applied for a consolidation loan. We got approved for an 11%. Its not as low as my retirement but Its still lower than his 24% interest rate on his card.

3. Credit card transfer.

-There are a good bit of cards out there that offer no interest for the first 18 months and we can. We weren't able to do this because our debt to income ration was too high. But this is definitely an option for some people. You can transfer your balance and pay it down without worrying bout interest. Once you get close to the end of your interest free period you can transfer it again.

Doing a few of these tips has saved me and my husband more than 150$ a month. And they will be paid off faster and for a lower interest. This savings is whats helping us quite a bit since being laid off. But any savings is good savings.

My hiccup this times was letting the debt getting out of control to being with. But I've put on my big girl panties and made smart choices to get it under control. Even when things seem out of control break it down and find a solution.

8:24 PM
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Struggles of a Firefighter's Wife

3 am.

Warm sheets.

Soft pillow.

Sent of lavender fabric softener.

Hum of the overhead fan.

The ear piercing series of tones coming from my husbands nightstand.

Ahh.. Home.

Never thought I'd get used to being jerked out of a very pleasant dream, but here I am. You get used to it after a while. I feel him sit up, yawn, and quickly stumble around the dark room. Through sleep filled eyes he reaches for his boots. The tones still going off. Sounds like this one will be a bad one. The dispatcher quickly reads off the list of trucks. "901,902,904,911,931.." All of his stations trucks are called out as she moves onto another series. I lift my head to hear better.

Fully engulfed structure fire.

He notices I'm up. Gives me a quick kiss and hurries out the door. I hear the car door close and see the lights start flashing. He waits till he gets to the end of the road to fire up the siren. I force my quickening heart to calm down. I know he will be okay but every time I seem to find myself worrying. His lingering sent and sound of the rain lure me back to sleep. My alarm goes off. I reach for him and he is not there. I start to worry but I know he is good at what he does. He will be fine. I get dressed and ready for my day.

This is something that every firefighter wife goes through. The worry. The anticipation of when he will get home. But most of all the pride. The pride we fill when he walks through that door. His expression tired but content. No, they didn't save the house. But everyone is out and safe. The prevented it from spreading.

Firefighters put their life on the line everyday, yet somehow they don't gain the respect they deserve.

There was once a girl that we met in target who was going on on her phone about how she sees overweight firefighters and she knows damn well they don't do any firefighting to be that overweight. My husband sure tore into her. But this is something that firefighters get more than they care to admit. My husband isn't necessarily overweight but there are firefighters who are. This doesn't mean that they don't risk just as much. Sometimes they are the only ones strong enough to pull your body out of a vehicle you wrapped around a tree.

This is something I see him struggle with. Most people will never give them the respect they deserve. Its up to us. The wives. Its hard on us as too. We have to be the supporter. The lover. The best friend. and even sometimes the mom.

Its hard. I rarely see my husband. He works full time as a firefighter. They get less money than they deserve, so he works part time as a pharmacy tech at CVS. In between two jobs he still finds the time to volunteer as a firefighter. Its hard on our relationship. As his wife, I want to spend time with him. But I feel selfish to take him away from that. From a place he can make a difference. A place where he can save lives.

Its hard. Its not easy. never relationship is. I can't imagine the difficulties to come once we have kids.

So cheers to all the wives out there. The wives behind the firefighters. The wives who persevere through everything. The wives who hold up the firefighters. Who support, nurture, and guide. Cheers to you.

7:38 PM
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Oilfield Crisis (Pt. 2)

Drowning is the word that comes to mind. The sinking feeling of being pulled down. Darkness evading the edges of your vision. As I sit in the chair looking forward I'm barely comprehending the words being said to me. "Brandi, we are sorry to say that we are going to have to lay you off." I'm then given the same speech about the downturn in the economy like many before me have been given. I start going over the list in my head of current events that have transpired. Examining every aspect to see what I did wrong.

As if they can read my mind they say "You've done nothing wrong." I tell them thank you for the opportunity and stand. They refuse to let me gather my things. They will get it together for me tomorrow. I am as relieved as I am annoyed.

I square my shoulders, lift my chin, and walk out. At least it is the end of the day. Mostly everyone has already gone. I am surprised that I've kept it together. There were a few tears that escaped in the office but overall I am proud of myself.

I get into my car and with shaking hands I dial my husband. At the sound of his voice I break down. I let him know what happened. Hes very encouraging. I think "How did I ever land someone as wonderful as him?".

I drive to my dads to let him know. He will tell me what to do next. I'm sure that I know what to do next but I just need him to tell me. I need him to tell me that it will be okay.

10-20 applications later and here I am. I've only landed 1 interview but at least that is something. I have my fingers crossed and hopefully I'll get a call back this week.

I will say after the heartbreak and tears, this is still a humbling experience. There are many people especially in deep south that are loosing jobs daily. People who have been there for 35 years are being forced into early retirement. Families having to sell their homes and move in with their parents just to get by. The thing about communities , not just here but everywhere, is that we are supportive and resilient. I will get through this. Many of you who are gong through rough times will get through this. Last November the current layoff count was up to 250,000. I can say through personal experience that number has grown and still continues to do so. It also brings into light the lack of job availability. In our community we've also closed a hospital. So not only am I fighting against people who have been laid off for jobs but also, the people from the hospital.

All, I can say is that in life their will be hiccups. Some that you can control, some that you can't. All you can do it try your hardest. Takes some big gulps of air and power through. If I can get through this, I know you can. You are strong. You are resilient. You are brave.

6:42 PM
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Getting over Abandonment

A lot of people have their own little issues. Things that make them unique. Things that make us crazy. Believe me, all women are crazy. Just have to find our "brand" of crazy. Things that happen in life tend to affect us more. Now if your like me, One of my many many MANY issues... is abandonment.

I can give you the whole story of how my mom was a dead beat and it took the system wayy to long for my dad to get custody but that is a longgg story for another day. What I want to talk about is how it effect me today.

I have a slight problem standing up for myself. I never say what I really think because I don't want people to leave me. I don't want to be left alone. I always tell people that you need to learn to be alone. And its true. When you come into the world you may have help but its all on you and your little body if you choose to stay. And when you die you are alone. You could be surrounded by your family but it is a journey you must take alone. Now I get that, but these little in between moments that you are alone are the worst.

I tend to not hold my ground. I tend to just be the agreeable one. Avoid confrontation. A freaking PUSHOVER!! But I really want to change that. I really don't want to be taken advantage of. I want to be strong. I NEED to be strong. If I expect to be a mother and push a watermelon size child out my vagina and raise that kid to be a somewhat respectable person. I MUST be strong.

My best friend called and asked me about my political opinion. Long story short she got upset and hung up on me. Has ignored me for a while. I forgave her. Which is usually hard thing for me. I tend to hold grudges. But I did because she has been sooo good to me. Especially compared to some of my other friends and that is why it hurts to much. Took me by surprise. I figured that stating my opinion and not backing down and being "agreeable" she would understand. She is the one who made me want to be this person. To not let others get the best of me. Someone I looked up to.

I am perfectly okay with everyone opinion. Its your opinion. I may disagree but It all depends how you treat someone when they disagree. And now I feel like she has no desire to be my best friend. Here we go again. The spiral of all my childhood issues coming fly back at me. Am I not good enough. What did I do? How can I make this right? I have forgiven. But I will not beg. Not any more. I've tried. I've tried soooo hard. But Its not healthy. Its really not.

So to get back on topic. How do you get over these fears and stop living a life in constant fear? Honestly, I'm not sure. But I'm giving it my best effort.

Step 1: Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
Think about what you say before you say it. Make sure you mean it. Stand for what you believe in. Even if you stand alone. If someone disagrees its okay to not back down and agree all the time. Grown a spine and hold your chin up.

Step 2: Handling the blow back.
Shit will hit the fan. And when it does... it will be quite a mess. But its okay. Some messes can be cleaned up. Some cant. Sometimes things will get broken and they can not go back to how they were. But you just have to take a breath and put one step in from the other.

Step 3: Understanding and accepting that you will be alone.
Either one way or another you will be alone at one point. Accept that. As hard as it may be. You at one point will realize that you have no friends. And that IS okay. Just find comfort. Maybe that comfort is stuffing your face and watching Netflix. Maybe its your fluffy fur baby. Maybe its exercising. Or maybe it is religious. Either way you need to find a way to cope. I still haven't found mine. But when I do. I'll be sure to let you know.

1:26 PM
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Being Diagnosed with PCOS

When I went into her office that morning I was preparing myself for one of the options that could have shown up on my blood panel. I was not, however, prepared for all three.

About three weeks ago I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or "PCOS". Now as my OBGYN said. Its quite common. 1 in every 5-10 woman have it. She was very nonchalant about the whole thing. But not only do I have PCOS, I have the worse form of it that comes with Insulin resistance. That also leads me to be pre-diabetic and have hypothyroidism. Yay me!

The thing about it is that it will be harder to have children. Yes there are many many women who get pregnant with PCOS but its also much more than that. I have struggled with things my whole life that are now making much more since. My weight gain and trouble loosing it. Even my memory loss is a symptom of ths. So now I have to change everything about me. My eating habits. My exercise habits. And I'm not talking little changes. Big changes.

The thing that makes it the so frustrating is that i have to do it alone. Yes I have a husband but he knows nothing about it. I cant tell him much but only what I found online. The doctor wasn't very helpful at all. She is sending me to a specialist. An Endocrinologist to be exact. I've always wanted children. I've always wanted a family. I am almost 24 and yes there is "time". But not for me. The older I get the harder it will get. And my husband gets so frustrated he doesn't know what to do. I've been looking up things online. Every Paige has something the contradict the other.

Ex: Broccoli is great for PCOS. But you cant have it with hypothyroidism because it emits the same thing that soy does. Which is odd because from my understanding PCOS has something to do with the thyroid. So how is it good for PCOS and not for thyroid when they tie into each other.

I have one friend helping me. But its not even my best friend. When I told my best friend about this. She told me that I didn't need my ovaries to live. That I don't need kids. That it was irresponsible of me to try to have kids. In so many words told me it wasn't a big deal. I was shaken.

How is it irresponsible. I have a steady job. A home. A reliable car. Insurance. I feel like i'm doing okay. And if you ever wait to be financially ready to have kids you wont ever have them. My other best friend was ignoring me because of my political opinion that she called and asked me about.

So yes. I am going through this alone. It takes so much time and energy just planning what I can and can not have for my next meal. The general consensus from my online research is that I can not have: Bread (except whole grain. Not whole wheat), any dairy, Sugars (even natural sugars like honey), Fruit with too high a sugar content, Broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower.... the list goes on.

I'm supposed to live off air apparently. Oh and water. Make sure you drink your water!! *eye roll*

I'm stumbling through life already. And I am trying to be grateful and remind my self every day that it could always get worse. There are people worse off than me. That have a more complex condition than mine. But it still doesn't stop the hurt. The thought of not being able to have kids is devastating. And then having to do it alone.... well it makes it that much worse. All I can do now is keep my chin up. Try my damnedest. And hopefully I'll be blessed with kids so that I can start my family. Hopefully.